I Did It!

“The hills are alive with the sound of music
With songs they have sung for a thousand years.
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music.
My heart wants to sing every song it hears.”
~Rogers and Hammerstein (The Sound of Music)

Well, maybe not the sound of music so much as the sounds of me cheering!! I made it up that big hill between here and work, with a headwind, no less. It came early in my ride, so it wasn’t even the worst hill I survived today. I am totally confident that I can ride to work tomorrow.

After going up that hill (about 10 minutes north of here), I turned on OCRd and headed SW, up and down a few more hills and past the transfer station by the quarries. One of the quarries has been drained - wonder if they were looking for another body or if they are finally trying to do something about the smell out there. The transfer station used to dump stuff into a couple of the quarries, and twice a year (spring and fall) when the quarries go through their seasonal convective overturns, the whole area really really stinks.

Anyway, this road is hilly, and narrow - especially at the bridges over the quarries. I got to the end of OCRd and turned back onto the road I started on, came by the cement plant, the road construction (that I had totally forgotten about…I wouldn’t have gone all the way out there if I had remembered), the movie theater, and downhill back into downtown.

I learned several things today:

1) I’m stronger than I know. That giant mountain was only an ant hill.
2) My breathable windbreaker isn’t.
3) The streetsweepers need to come back and clear the winter sand off the shoulders.
4) The Lowes by the movie theater finally opened.
5) The ice cream place across from the movie theater wasn’t run out of town by a chain restaurant.

Things I need to learn:

1) How to get my feet into my toe-clips sooner. They drag on the ground when they are upside down.
2) How to drink and ride. No, not that kind of drinking! I mean how to maneuver the water bottle out of the cage, get water into my mouth, and get the bottle back in the cage while still avoiding potholes and moving in a straight line.
3) The proper etiquette (for lack of a better term) for intersections.

Things other people need to learn:

1) The driver of a White Mercury Mariner needs to learn that honking at a cyclist is rude and dangerous. I was traveling in a straight line in the breakdown lane, and therefore not in your way. I knew you was there; I could hear you coming up behind me. And then you honk while flying by me? Does you honk at every car you pass? Fuck You. And your gas guzzling tank and your overweight McDonalds-scarfing kids in the back seat (ok, I made that second part up).
2) The driver of a Black Yukon could use a similar lesson, although this honking did occur on a much narrower road, where I was to the left of the white line. Actually this was probably worse, since I had a much smaller margin of error. Share the road people!
3) Japanese import “motorcycles” aren’t the real deal. And revving one of those engines just calls attention to the fact that you don’t know the difference between a mosquito and a hog. (Damn, I’m becoming a redneck!)

Total bike time: 57minutes
Estimated distance: 10 miles?

Look!

See that? Isn’t it pretty? And it’s mine, ALL MINE!!! Woo-Hoo!! The bike is a 2008 Trek 1.2 WSD, Trek’s entry level designed-for-a-female road bike. Yep, a real road bike, with skinny smooth tires and curlicue handlebars.

I’ve never had a road bike before, but I’ve wanted one for so long. I kept putting off purchasing one, because they are so expensive (yes, way more so than a mountain bike or a hybrid), but although I complained about the price, I was never closer to actually getting one. I finally realized that, in my head, I may never be able to justify the price, and if I really wanted one, I should just go get it and figure out how to pay for it later. So I did! And by the way, where is that economic stimulus payment already?

I’ve already been out on it a couple times, and I will go out today to, providing the rain holds off…I’m still a little afraid of those tiny tires! It feels so light and smooth and nearly effortless, compared with my old piece of junk hybrid. And because I bought it from a bike shop (as opposed to, say, Wally-World) there were experts to help me find the right fit. I tried a couple sizes and brands, and I could really notice a difference in the geometry. I get free adjustments and tune-ups for a year, and all the components have been tweaked to fit me.

I’m panning to use this bike to train for my big triathlon debut…you know…someday. And I’m planning to ride it to work. The trip is about seven miles, one way, but it has one big huge hill, that I don’t yet know if I can do. I plan to find that out this weekend, and if all goes well, I’ll be riding to work on Monday! I have two coworkers who also live in this town and are talking about riding to work throughout the summer, so that should be fun, and we’ll help keep each other motivated. I’m going to have some killer legs and a smokin’ behind (oh, yeah, I bought the shorts, too), and I won’t be buying so much gas for the station wagon.

I’m so excited!! See you on the road!

Apparently, I’m a horrible person.

Or, that’s what I’ve been told anyway.

There was a funeral this afternoon. I knew the man had died, I knew the funeral was today, I knew plenty of others who were going, but I chose not to go. So why didn’t I go? Simple: I didn’t know the man!

So what’s the fuss? Well, this man was the founder (40? 50? years ago) of the company I work for. His son bought the company in the 80’s, and for many years the father would frequently come by to see what was going on. I work for the son, but the father hasn’t been around much in several years.

Apparently, I’m a selfish, thoughtless, heartless, bitch, because I didn’t feel it was necessary for me to be at the funeral. From a coworker-friend, I received a lecture about how she didn’t know him either, but that she was going because she cares about our boss and his family. I should have gone to demonstrate my loyalty to the company.

What the hell? I demonstrated my loyalty to the company by actually working to the end of the day, while most others skipped out early to shower, change, and get a good parking spot!

I offered my condolences to my boss, his wife, and his sister a week ago. I feel I met my obligations as an employee and as a member of the human race, and I don’t really understand what the big deal is. There were others who didn’t go either; I wonder if they did/will get the same lecture.

Drugs

So (as if anyone is keeping score), the fact that my apartment is relatively clean and the fact that I am researching and asking questions about future employment, are probably good signs that the Zoloft is working. Maybe? I’ve been on taking it for a week now (this is new drug/dosage #5 since February), and I have to go back to the expensive psychiatrist next week. I have to see my regular councilor on Wednesday; I should really just fire her and be done with it. How does one go about finding a councilor they click with? I’m 0-2 now, and pretty skeptical that this whole industry is just a scam.

a poorly written ramble

There was a party after work on Friday to celebrate the completion of a beautiful, yet lengthy project. While waiting for it to start, I was chatting with Red-Headed Friend and New Girl, who are both among the small group of sub-thirty-year-olds who work there. They have a different job title than I, which I consider superior to mine, although I’ve been assured that is not true, and it shouldn’t matter because I don’t want their job any more than I want mine!

Anyway, they were discussing things I have trouble relating to. They are both seriously thinking of buying houses in the woods out of town. I sometimes wish that I had a house, but I’m not settled enough in my head to settle in a house. And I definitely wouldn’t want to live outside of downtown hickville! I need some kind of human interaction, and I like being able to walk places. These coworkers have moved around a bit, and always returned to this area, so they are finally confident that this is the place they want to be. Having never really lived in many other places, I’m still pretty confident that this is not the place I want to be, but my coworkers looked at me like I had three heads and said that I don’t appreciate the beauty of this place, how nowhere else is like this. Ok, but maybe there are other beautiful places too, and frankly, a little not like this this might be good for me.

They also went on and on about how we work for such a wonderful company, but that the old-timers whine so much because they’ve lost touch with the real world. It doesn’t matter how great the company is if the job isn’t what I want to do. Oh, and my job really does suck compared to theirs, but they’ve lost touch if they think I have it easy, huffing chemicals and working through tendinitis. Good for them that they’ve figured out their calling in life; I wish I could do the same.

I get short-lived inspirations of what I might want to do, but generally I find out what it takes to get there and have to abandon that thought. Lately, I’ve been thinking about working in a hospital lab, performing chemistry experiments on people’s body fluids. No, it’s not creepy! I don’t want to suck their blood, and it is an actual job. My local hospital even has current openings, but they require a specific certification. I was thinking that with my math/science background and all the lab courses that I have taken I might need some kind of 2-week course in hospital safety practices. No. I’d need a whole ‘nother degree, associates for the lower level position, bachelors for the higher, to qualify to take the certification exam. Really? Are you kidding me? I wonder how many of the courses I’ve already taken could be applied toward that degree. But still!! I really really really don’t want to go back to school. It just wasn’t my thing. I don’t learn like that, with a disinterested person droning on and on at the students. I learn by doing. You know what they say, ‘Life is not a spectator sport’. So I guess I’ll cross this job off the list.

Bein’ Green

“But green’s the color of Spring
And green can be cool and friendly-like.
And green can be big like an ocean, or important like a mountain, or tall like a tree.

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why? Wonder,
I am green and it’ll do fine, it’s beautiful!
And I think it’s what I want to be.”
Kermit the Frog (It’s not Easy Bein’ Green, lyrics by Joe Rapposo)

Happy Earth Day! What are you doing to ’save the planet’? Did you know that this year has been named The Year of the Frog by zoologists? Frogs are a barometer of our environment, as they are very sensitive to climate and habitat changes. If drastic measures aren’t taken to preserve their niches, they will follow the dodo and the dinosaurs.

I planted a garden the other day! Um, well, perhaps ‘garden’ is too generous a term. Living in an apartment building, I have zero outdoor space. Instead, I took a windowbox and set it up just inside the windowsill in my kitchen. I’m hoping to grow some herbs, but my garden still looks like a box of dirt. Yes, I am aware that it takes a while for seeds to sprout, but that doesn’t stop me from checking a couple times a day! To start with, I’ve planted flat-leaf parsley, basil, thyme, dill, and rosemary. I wonder if there is enough space in the box to grow some lettuce; I don’t need much.

I suppose I should also note that I have a black thumb. I enjoy having greenery in my apartment, but in general, plants don’t seem to enjoy me. I do have a few plants in my apartment. A friend gave a cactus, as they are low maintenance plants. I still have that original pot, but I believe this is the third cactus (this one’s an aloe) living in it. My other cactus has flowers and has had three bright pink flowers for as long as I’ve had it (a year maybe). Is this normal? Of my other plants, I have some ivy that took over the big pot it lives in, killing off it’s neighbor, and now it is trying to spread out over the whole room. And I have a variegated leafy thing that must simply have a very strong will to live.

Many of my coworkers are planning their summer gardens, which are, in some cases, over 1000 square feet! That seems like a lot of work to this lazy couch potato. But I guess the results are pretty good, and some of the veggies (like beans and peas) are freezable. Many of these same coworkers have animals as well. Ducks and chickens for eggs are the most common, although pigs are becoming popular, and I know of at least one person who plans to raise chickens for meat this summer. Maybe this is all just because I live in hickville, or maybe it is all part of the rising cost of energy and food and the attempt to consume more locally produced goods. You can’t get much more organic, either. My coworkers also spend a considerable amount of time discussing solar panels and wind turbines. This state also has one of the highest percentages of hydroelectric energy, due to our many rivers and streams. Huh. Who’d of ever thought that this state would have forward-thinking trend setters?

“Run Like an Animal”

“Take a look at any school playground, see anyone jogging?

Our guess is no. In fact, what you will see is running. Running to the swings. Running down the ice cream truck. Running to pick up a stick. But not jogging. That’s because the act of jogging is a learned behavior. You see, somewhere between being told not to run in the halls and not to run with scissors, running morphed into a cautionary activity that’s done at the speed of chit-chat. And real running became dangerous. So it should come as not surprise that the majority of people grew up to be joggers, while sadly only a few continue to run. Next time you lace up, take a cue from our tiny-tot brethren. Run like an animal.”
~ Pearl Izumi ad (Runner’s World Magazine. p 65, May 2008.)

I love the above quote! It hits on so many levels. I only remembered the “run like an animal” bit and was planning to blog about just running, but when I looked it up again to find the source, I realized that it says a lot about life too.

Running

I’ve never ever been fast. In middle school I was one of the kids who couldn’t run a full mile. I had to walk much of it at the back of the pack, complaining with the fat kids (no, I wasn’t a fat kid). By the time I got to high school I already had several patella dislocations under my belt. I favored the knee; I hated to run. I switched from offense to defense in field hockey so I wouldn’t be running as much, and I visited the school’s trainer everyday before practice to get my knee taped up to hold it together.

I’d say I average about two dislocations a year, and I can reset it myself, although I prefer to have someone nearby do it for me. One time in Montreal, two of my friendly neighborhood homeless guys set it for me. Following my first x-rays in high school, an orthopedic surgeon told me I would need a total knee replacement by the time I was thirty. Conventional wisdom, particularly from non-runners, says that running will only speed up the inevitable destruction of my natural knee.

I’m an active person, and over the years I learned that certain situations are particularly dangerous for dislocations, certain actions hurt one part, other actions hurt a different part, and some actions don’t hurt at all. Walking on ice really frightens me; when my heel slips inward and toes go outward, I dislocate my knee. The same thing can occur on on other slippery surfaces. I also dislocate my knee by bumping it on something, such as the corner of a coffee table. Hiking (which I love to do) downhill and stair-stepper machines (which I avoid) hurt in front, down low. Lateral movements (eg jumping jacks) and pivoting motions (eg side heel kick) hurt deep inside the knee. Tennis? Basketball? F’gettaboutit. Running on a straight, flat surface of any material? No pain. Ever.

I had another round of x-rays and saw a sports med doc the other day. It was my first appointment with this doctor, and my first visit to a specialist in several years (my crappy disaster-level health insurance kept me from taking care of ‘optional’ issues). I approached the situation as “I am an athlete not a criple. Please work within that context.” It was a good visit. He clearly explained things that are shown on the x-ray. For example the tendon that holds the patella to the lower part of the leg is normally only slightly longer than the height of the patella itself. Mine is much longer, so the knee cap goes slack and sits above its groove when my leg is completely extended. Every time I take a step, my knee cap has to find that groove. It is unlikely I have ever torn something (eg ACL), as my dislocations have been numerous and similar, but not severely traumatic. He also pointed out that my quads are different sizes; I’ve been subconsciously protecting my knee fro years, resulting in the other side doing more work.

The prescription? Long term…probably surgery (but not in five years). Short term…strengthen the quads. Running (not including marathon training) on roads will help me develop stronger quads, as will one-side-at-a-time weight lifting. The doctor actually liked my running gait better than my walking gait.

But I still have the speed issue. I will run races this summer, in part to work toward my someday goal of completing a triathlon. My gym has a 5K in May, which I think will be my first. There is also a 7.5 run/walk from landmark A to landmark B in June that interests me (perhaps because of the word walk in its title). I had originally been thinking I could do the 5K in 30 minutes (slightly better than a 10 minute mile… a snail’s pace for a 25 year old). But I want to do better than that. I plan to run like an animal.

Life

We are taught to live cautiously, and in doing so we lose the freedom of childhood. Life could be so much more exciting if only we could rid ourselves of our inhibitions and chase down the ice cream truck. Remember how much fun that was? A 9-5 existence is frigin’ boring! Why must we always think before we act? Can’t we ever just be or ‘just do it’ (another sneaker ad)?

I know I live cautiously, but I’m too afraid to do any differently. How do I let go and get in touch with my inner animal?

Update on Yesterday’s Post

Did you read yesterday’s post, The Honeymoon is Over? So, here’s the update:

Foreman told me that tomorrow I will be heading over to The Beach (Yay!). Old Partner will be staying at the main facility (yay!). New Partner will be a nice, funny person hired last fall, and I’ll be the senior member of the team (yay!).

I later found out that a whole bunch of people are heading to The Beach, including CountryMusicFan and his nemesis RapFan, so it won’t be as quiet as I was hoping (Booooo!). I’ll have to remember ear plugs. Oh, well.

I think a change (a change)
Would do you good.
~Sheryl Crow

The Honeymoon is Over!

(lyrics to come when I have more time to think about it)
The honeymoon is so over. I even filed for a divorce today, but I haven’t told him yet.

NO! I’m not talking about my boyfriend… and NO! there wasn’t/isn’t a wedding. Ok? Got it?

I’m talking about the man I spend more time with than anyone else on the planet, who affectionately refers to me as the ‘old ball and chain’. He’s a curmudgeon and a dirty old bastard. In fact, I’ve been told by several observers that there already exists a sexual harassment file on him, and all I have to do is say the word. He’s harmless though, and he’s been my work partner for more than a year.

His lousy attitude brings me down and his angry/aggressive music makes me angry and aggressive. Our output is decent in terms of quality and quantity, but I need a break from this unhealthy relationship.

About a week ago he was out sick, and I got stuck doing a full day of hard labor, unassisted. I got it done, though, and this project is only a quick-and-dirty, get-it-done type job, as opposed to a drawn out, fussy one. We had planned to finish this project today, so I arrived this morning and was getting ready for the final step. He arrived and immediately started over at square friggin’ one. He was being much fussier than on any other part of the project; actually, I think he was milking it. He didn’t say one word to me in apology or explanation. He was wasting his time today and invalidating all the work I did while he was out. I finally walked away and found something else to do to cool off. Naturally, he started bitching about me to anyone who would listen to him whine for sticking him with all this extra work. For F***’s sake, he created the extra work!

I ran into my foreman a bit later and asked if he would be willing to mix up the pairings a bit. A year with one person is an awful long time. I also asked if there was work going on at one of our off-site locations (nicknamed “The Beach”); I’d love to spend a little time up there as it is quiet and less frenzied. He seemed receptive to the idea, but no plans have been made yet.

During our 2pm break today, a number of us were sitting outside, when a familiar car came down the drive. L used to work for the company, but quit the beginning of last summer. L and I were the only females at the time but were not the best of friends. I was raised a snob, and she was raised a redneck in an extreme which I have never before, or since, seen in a female. We were civil…she could never be considered ‘professional’. The guys all loved her because she baked cookies and flirted with them and thought nothing about taking off her shirt to show off her entire-back tattoo. Classy, huh? I wasn’t sorry when she quit, and since then? I’m the alpha female; this is my turf.

All the guys fawned over her during break as she bragged all about how much she’d been working lately (really? and you were done before 2pm?), how she’s spending two weeks in Mexico (probably to lick up the spilled beer left over from spring break), and how she’s going to take the whole summer off (I’d have to live in my car if I went without income for that long). Even my own boyfriend couldn’t get enough of her! She tried to steal him from me once before. Obviously, it didn’t work; he’s not into trailer trash.

Yeah, so the honeymoon is over. Between me and my work partner, and between me and my job (but hey, that’s not new).

I think I’ll go take a nice long lavender-scented bath. Someday when I own my dream house, I’m going to have a spa tub and one of those showers with water squirting from 20 different directions.

Aaaahhhhhh. That feels devine.

How May I Help You?

“Lean on me when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long till ‘m gonna need
Somebody to lean on”
~The Temptations (Lean on Me)

How are you doing?

I’ve been doing pretty well lately. I’m confident that my improved mood and outlook has much more to do with the increased daylight than the drugs I’ve been taking. My therapist doesn’t see it, though, and she keeps coming back to the concept that I don’t have much of a support network.

Ok, it is true that I no longer talk to a single person I went to high school with. I was ready to escape everything about that place and I’ve never looked back. I also no longer talk to anyone I went to university with, although I did keep in touch with a couple people for a while. There are a couple people I do wonder what happened to, such as my almost-roommate who transferred because her parents needed her closer to home, and the other three members of my “Brat Pack” from first year.

I’ve never had lots of close friends. I was very social and outgoing as a young child, but that diminished as I got older (I blame my parents for isolating me…. a long story). Now I’m a quiet person and I don’t really make deep connections with other human beings.

But I do believe that you get what you give. Karma. ‘Energy cannot be created nor destroyed, only changed from one form to another’ — physics / conservation of energy. I have energy, and I’m doing good these days, but someday again, I’m going to need somebody to lean on. Until then, how may I help you?