Ok! I’m Down. Now Would You Please Stop Kicking Me?

I found out last night that my former employer filled my position. They made a huge deal about how they would definitely not need me back, and they could pull employees from other departments if absolutely necessary. But apparently they changed their minds and hired a blonde 22-year-old college drop-out who lives with (off of?) mommy and daddy.

I called my boyfriend and yelled and screamed and cried. How could he not tell me in a “safe” place? He let me find out in front of people I don’t want to cry in front of. Did he think I really wouldn’t find out? This is a small town!

I don’t want the job back; my pride would not allow it. I really don’t want to ever speak to or see most of the people who still work there. It would have been nice to have been asked (the thought that counts), and I would have liked the chance to say “screw you!”.

What To Do?

My new employer offers tuition reimbursement for related courses and/or required courses for a related degree. Since my paycheck is so small, I am considering taking advantage of this opportunity. I’ve learned the hard way that the degree I already have is way to obscure to help me get any sort of job, but maybe I can transfer many of my previously earned credits and be halfway to another degree. Business courses are nice and generic and may help convince someone that I am qualified to work in an office.

I met with an adviser at the local office of our statewide university system about a week ago to discuss these thoughts with her. Courses start this week and I was thinking about signing up for something (anything?). I didn’t particularly care for higher education my first go around or my second (which was with this university). I really really don’t want to be trapped in a crappy no-respect low paying job for my entire working career, but that truly seems to be the direction I’m headed.

The adviser did her best to talk me out of taking more courses. She thinks I need to figure out what exactly I really want to do (yeah, like the current job market affords anyone that luxury), revamp my resume (again?…*eye roll*) and be applying to different sorts of things. Um, hello? What exactly does she think I’ve spent the last few months doing? I’ve given up on that road; I’m looking for a new one. She also thinks that with a little searching, I could find a great secretarial job, because nothing says successful career like secretary. I don’t know what I want to be “when I grow up”, but I’m pretty certain my life’s ambition is not to be a secretary; I want to have a secretary.

I haven’t signed up for anything. I think what I really need to sign up for is little white padded room.

I’ve Cried More…

…in the past month, than I did in the first twelve of my life. And I almost did again this morning.

The other day a coworker asked how much I pay in rent. I pay $550 for my beautiful, large, heat-included one bedroom apartment. I am very satisfied with that arrangement, and I’ve lived in the same place for over two years now.

My coworker was outraged that I pay so much. Well! Sorry! But not all of us live in out fiance’s mother’s basement!

She and the fiance are planning to purchase a trailer to put up on a corner of mother’s land that they bought for $1. So she went to a bank yesterday to see about getting a loan for the trailer.

She comes in today to brag to me about how she can get her loan for less than I pay in rent per month.

Yes, I want an house (but not a trailer). Yes, I have a down payment saved up. But I no longer have the income to buy a house and maintain it and all the other costs.

Yep, another close call tear-wise.