Girl Envy: A Catty Post

“But I’m insanely jealous of the people that you know
And I’m insanely jealous of the places that you go
And I’m insanely jealous of you
Yeah, I’m insanely jealous of you”

~Soft Boys (Insanely Jealous)

Every gym has one, and my little hick-ville gym is no exception. Just thinking about her makes you sneer. You know who I’m talking about: the Girl You’ll Never Be (GYNB). Or, for my male readers, the girl you’ll never get with, so please stop hitting on her already. It makes me ill.

At my gym, GYNB and I have some things in common: we both run on the treadmill; we both do lots of sit-ups; we are both about the same age and height; and we both have blonde hair. But that is where the similarities end. I’m the girl with the glasses and non-ear-bud headphones (I can’t make those things stay in!) and all that stuff on my head doesn’t like to stay put! GYNB looks like:

kw.jpg(Yes, her, but I will not name her or admit to watching that television show.)

GYNB’s blonde hair came straight out of a bottle of peroxide, while mine is a warm dark shade. Her tan is much too dark considering our latitude and the month (sadly, I’m pale year-round). Her skin tone is also a funny shade of orange, so I suppose that color came out of a bottle, too!

GYNB dresses in a matching outfit! Yes, matching, as in color-coordinated. For me, matching gym clothes is simply a matter of grabbing something comfy that doesn’t stink. She wears black spandex pants (ugh, *shudder*, spandex) with pink and white side stripes. Anyone else ever noticed how those side stripes call attention to the outer curve of the leg? So if one isn’t a size 2 or is somewhat knock-kneed, the thighs look massive? Not that this is GYNB’s problem, though. GYNB sneakers are pretty and pink and white. My sneakers are absolutely hideous – Asics must have been crazy to think that florescent green was a cool color, but I didn’t buy them for the look, I bought them for the feel. Her sports bra is also pink and white. Actually, I can’t complain about this too much, it has a really cool-looking cris-cross back. She tops off the attire with a black cami. Pink, black and white. Head to toe. I see GYNB at the gym frequently, and she is always dressed like this. Her clothes must stink!

Ok, so maybe I’m not too jealous of her skin, hair, and wardrobe choices. But I am jealous of GYNB’s workouts and the physique that resulted from such workouts. The other day I was shuffling along at my 10-minute mile pace on the treadmill and glanced over at hers. She had an incline at level 2.5 and a pace of 8.5 miles/hr. That is a seven minute mile uphill…a pace I will probably only ever dream of. I was bent over, huffing and puffing, while she maintained a good posture and relaxed breathing. I later noticed GYNB on the incline bench doing sit-ups with a very large dumbbell – certainly larger than anything I’ve ever picked up, and I don’t use extra weight for crunches.

I learned long ago that competitive sports weren’t really my gig; I simply do not have the must.kill.everything. drive necessary in a good athlete. I did team sports in high school, but without the same passion as my teammates. So what if I just liked to run around on the field and get to hang out with my friends? I also do not consider myself an ‘athlete’. I’m strong, yes, and I like to play, but a 10-minute mile is pretty darn good for me.

I am drawn to the sport of triathlon. To me, it seems an extreme measure of physical fitness. Similarly, I also hope to run a marathon someday. Or, dare I say it, an Ironman Tri (the final leg is a full marathon). But I digress. Baby steps, people! I had hoped this summer I would finally run a couple 5K’s, maybe a 10K and a sprint distance tri (typically a 500-750m swim, 20K bike, 5K run). I know I’ll never win, but it would be fantastic to say ‘I did it, I finished’.

Most individuals come to the sport of triathlon with a background in cycling or running. Training guides, coaches, and those more experienced than I, all say that the race is never won in the swim, but those who go out too hard will fail in later sections. I am a swimmer, first and foremost; the swim would be my best section, and things would go downhill from there. Hell, I don’t even own a bike! And I was hoping to use my tax refund to buy a bike (See here why this won’t happen). I also have crappy knees, so the clock is ticking to complete these goals. Oh, and my tendinitis has kept me out of the pool for almost two months.

So I’m off to the gym, now. Maybe someday I’ll show up at your gym, and you’ll sneer at the Girl You’ll Never Be.


2 Responses to “Girl Envy: A Catty Post”

  1. 1 Felicia March 17, 2008 at 5:54 pm

    Great post! This is the exact reason I don’t go to a gym. I only workout in my apartment’s workout room and only when it’s completely empty. Running in front of someone else is just not my style anymore.

  2. 2 Puffy April 13, 2008 at 3:07 pm

    I can never get the earbuds to stay in either.

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There is a Chinese Proverb that states: "A bird does not sing because it has the answers. It sings because it has a song." This is my song. I don't pretend to have the answers.

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