One Week

It’s been a week, and I’m still hanging in, sort of.

Today is payday at old job, and my bank account shows that my direct deposited check is of normal size. This is my check for working last week. There will be three more checks of normal size over the next three Thursdays, and then that’s it. Unemployment benefits in this state could bring in a maximum of $330 a week, which is a frighteningly small number. I hope I get a job soon.

On the job front, there are a few things out there. All of which will pay less than I was making, but I suppose as long as they pay more than $330 a week, they are still a good deal. There is a lot of competition for the few jobs that are out there. I heard that my former manager just applied to the same bank teller’s job that I was eying. I know I have to compete against other people, but it seems so much more discouraging when these people have names and faces. And much more extensive job histories. What must I do to stand out?

I haven’t applied to anything in the last couple days, as I’m still trying to sort out my references mess. There are a couple of new people that I’m going to call, when I have the strength. I suppose the two that I’ve been forced to eliminate didn’t care much about me, and therefore would have been lousy references anyway. But I’ve been making use of my time by researching contacts on companies, so I’ll be able to pounce when that is sorted out. Maybe I’ll make those calls tonight. I know I should. I just haven’t been able to.

I still haven’t been able to sleep. I spend most nights staring at the dark ceiling. A couple of nights I’ve tried turning on the light at 2 or 3 am and reading for a while, but when I begin to feel sleepy and turn off the light, my eyes are wide open again. I’m not eating much either. I still feel so sick that I’m just not hungry. I’ve lost four or five pounds now, but I know it isn’t healthy. The lack of sleep and lack of nutrition are definitely contributing toward my waning energy, motivation, and confidence.

I took a lesson from my out-of-work-for-the-last-two-months brother last night and went to the bar. I told the bartender to surprize me, because I never know what to order now that I don’t care much for beer. He gave me a fruity drink, which boyfriend made fun of (too pink for him), but I like fruity. I only wish I could have one on some sandy beach looking out at tropical colored water, being fanned with a palm frond by my cabana boy. Bartender warned me that if I continued asking for surprize drinks, they would only get stronger as the night went on. I laughed and mentioned that I only live a few doors down, and it’s not like I have to get up in the morning. I had a total of three drinks and boyfriend (two Guinnesses) and I were home by eight o’clock. As we were leaving, the bartender told me to “enjoy not working tomorrow!” So much for the stong drinks though, I never did feel drunk.


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There is a Chinese Proverb that states: "A bird does not sing because it has the answers. It sings because it has a song." This is my song. I don't pretend to have the answers.

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