Where is my Fairy Godmother?

Edited to add lyrics!

Its a pretty good crowd for a Saturday
And the manager gives me a smile
cause he knows that its me they’ve been comin’ to see
To forget about life for a while

And the piano, it sounds like a carnival
And the microphone smells like a beer
And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar
And say, man, what are you doin’ here?

Oh, la la la, de de da
La la, de de da da da

Sing us a song, you’re the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, were all in the mood for a melody
And you’ve got us feelin’ alright

~Billy Joel (Piano Man)

I must have watched one too many Disney movies as a kid. I really, honestly, and truly thought this life would turn out better.

Every little girl has dreams, and I doubt she dreams of one day becoming me. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, but this isn’t it either. I thought I’d be someone. I thought I’d matter. I thought I’d have something useful to contribute to society. It thought I’d do something(s) noticeable. At the very least, I thought I’d be happy.

A friend hired me to do some work for him. Actually, I think he took pity on me. He and a partner are working on a hobby/restoration/”investment” project and have now hired three others (all of whom would be otherwise completely unemployed) to do the dirty work. And it is very dirty. But it gives me a purpose and a reason to get out of bed in the morning. The pay is decent, and since I’m only part time, I can still be searching for something permanent.

But I hate, hate, hate the work. The best thing about getting laid off was thinking that I would never have to do this shitty work again, and for this project, I’ve got the worst of it, because the other two wouldn’t do it. But I’m so torn, because it puts food on the table. Beggars can’t be choosers, right? And I’m definitely a beggar looking for work.

I want to work in an office. I want to sit at a desk and not have to work in awkward places or contorted postures. I want to be clean; I want to feel pretty. I want to stop inhaling chemicals “known by the State of California to cause cancer”. I want to employ my mind, because someone once told me I was intelligent, instead of continually abusing my small tired body.

Unfortunately, there are also lots of qualified people looking for office work against who I must compete. I’m finding that it is simply impossible to convince a hiring manager that I am capable of switching occupations.

So, I’m sitting in my local bar (b/c they have wireless internet) and drinking whiskey, while a part inside of me dies. And tomorrow I’ll get up and do it all over again. Yeah, this really is the life.


2 Responses to “Where is my Fairy Godmother?”

  1. 1 MSeeker2 March 5, 2009 at 7:55 am

    You’re in ‘survival’ mode – that’s what you’re doing to get by. Nothing wrong w/ keeping busy & earning a couple bucks in the process. I did the same fill-in crap work for 4 yrs. in the 90’s and it wasn’t pretty, but you do what you have to do to get thru it. Remembering it’s only temporary is a little bit of comfort, so keep that in mind. And keep up the search for the dream job; opportunities await those who are persistent. So hang in there lady!

    PS – And do get those other two knuckleheads to pitch in w/ some of the dirty work on this restoration project… let’s be fair, right? There’s no sign on your back that says ‘the shit work stops here’!

  2. 2 SASQUATCH March 7, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    Like MSeeker2, I’ve also “been there, done that”, but LONG B/4 the 90’s……….I was a young married guy with one child and another on the way. Keeping one’s head up and a positive outlook is difficult, but with your mental “grit” I’m certain you can do it. Please keep blogging and keeping us updated.

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There is a Chinese Proverb that states: "A bird does not sing because it has the answers. It sings because it has a song." This is my song. I don't pretend to have the answers.

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